Only Freshmen
by Cold Toenails
Summary: For the life of me I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise. And we'd never compromise. For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins. We were merely freshmen


**This is going to be a one shot. It's a present for my friend, Hailie's, sixteenth birthday. So I used her favorite song (The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe, which I do not own) and her favorite pairing, Ginger and Darren. Even though I don't like Darren, I'm writing it just for her. Love you Hailie!**

* * *

"Hey, Dad, look where I found in the basement," a dark haired boy who looked between the ages thirteen or fourteen said. His father was sitting at the round breakfast table, reading the day's newspaper. He held the tan book out to the elder man.

Darren looked at the cover. It only to a second to recognize it. "Jack, where did you find this?" he asked, snatching the book out of his son's grasp.

"In the basement," Jack said.

"What were you doing in there?"

"Looking for my baseball glove. Why?"

Darren didn't answer the question. He flipped the cover page open and looked at the front page. On looking at it, he shut it. "Did you look at any of this?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No one was supposed to see this," Darren growled, but more to himself.

"What does it matter." When Darren didn't answer another one of his questions, he went on to ask, "Who is that girl?"

"Who? I don't even remember her name anymore."

"The girl with red hair," Jack said. "Is that you with her in all those pictures?"

"No!"

"He does look a lot like you-."

"Shouldn't you be doing something besides bugging me?" Darren snapped. Jack blinked, feeling confused and hurt by his father's anger and tone of his voice. He rarely raised his voice.

Now wishing that he had not brought the notebook to show his dad, Jack went out to the yard with his glove to play catch with himself. He did not dare to ask Darren to play catch with him like he had planned earlier. He decided to let him burn off some steam first.

Darren had lied. He remembered who the girl was; he remembered her name and many more things about her. He might have wanted to forget, but she had left too big of a scar on his life for him to forget.

* * *

**When I was young I knew everything  
She a punk who rarely ever took advice**

* * *

"Are we both in it?" a scarlet haired girl asked. She held a digital camera above her head, facing to her and the boy she was with.

"I think so."

"Go look!"

Darren checked, even though he knew that it would be a for sure answer since he couldn't see stand there and see if it would get both of them at the same time. "Yeah, it looks good."

"Ok, get back here so we can get this taken care of," Ginger said. "I'm starting to get cold. Both of them smiled. Ginger used the one she always did in pictures, the closed mouth smile. She thought she looked funny when she smiled with her teeth.

The flash went off. Darren rubbed his eyes, feeling temporarily blinded by the flash of light while Ginger looked at the picture.

"Isn't it cute?" she asked. She turned the camera screen to show her boyfriend.

"Sure. It's cool, I guess."

"What? Are you kidding? This is the first time we've ever got both of us in the same picture without having someone else use the camera! Do you know what this means?"

"That you are going to put this on your face book?" Darren guessed.

"Yeah, but that is not what I was going to say. This means we need to celebrate!"

"What? How?"

Ginger rolled her eyes. "You are so thick sometimes. Come on, let's go to your house."

"Why?"

"Because, Lois will be back from shopping now," Ginger said, once again rolling her eyes. "Come on!" She grabbed Darren by the wrists and pulled him towards his car.

It took awhile for Darren to understand what she had meant. But it eventually came to him. "Oh," he said slowly. "That's what you mean."

"Duh." Ginger looked back at him and laughed. "Boys are so stupid sometimes."

Darren rested his head using his left hand for support. He slipped carefully through the leather bound book. The pages were turning yellow with age. Pictures of the fiery haired girl with, as most would guess, her boyfriend. Both were smiling. They were too youth filled kids who looked like nothing could break them down.

* * *

**Now I'm guilt stricken,  
Sobbing with my head on the floor  
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice**

* * *

A couple stood in front of a dimly lit room. The male messed nervously wit the cuff of his best dress shirt while he watched his girl stand beside the wooden coffin. She ran a finger down a small hand that belonged to the body lying still against the white satin bedding. "Ginger," he said.

She didn't look at him. Her lifeless gaze was on the dead child. She held her hand, waiting for a response. "Ginger, let's go." Maybe she didn't hear him, he thought. Darren tried again.

"I can make my own decisions, you know," the fifteen-year-old woman snapped. She looked back down at the girl. "You can go back if you want." Her voice was soft, featherlike whisper. "I got some things to think about first." She touched her fingers lightly up against the cold cheek.

Darren hesitated, but complied. He went back to his chair beside his brother. The rest of his family and the Foutley's watched Ginger still standing up there, swaying slightly side-to-side.

* * *

**I can't be held responsible  
She was touching her face**

* * *

When Ginger went back to her seat, she gave a side-glance at Darren. She didn't want to look at him. She was too mad. Too depressed. She was feeling too hurt to look at anyone right now, especially him. Darren felt uncomfortable sitting next to Ginger, but he stayed only because he felt that he had to.

* * *

**I won't be held responsible  
She fell in love in the first place**

* * *

He flipped to the next page. Something had been written down on the pages years ago in black ink. Darren read over it and smiled slightly at the memory. On the other side was another picture. This one was of a girl leaning against a school wall, writing something down in her own diary. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with the hood pulled over her head. You could still see her trademark red hair falling down the side of her face.

Darren shut the cover of the journal. He rested his head on the book, squashing the pages. His fingers twisted in his hair and pulled at the dark locks.

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot remember  
What made us think that we were wise and  
We'd never compromise**

* * *

"What do you think about this one?" asked Ginger. She held a blue sleeper in her hands. "Won't it look adorable?"

"How do you know it's going to be a boy?" said a very bored looking Darren.

"I just know."

He never liked shopping, especially in this store. Everyone was giving him looks of judgment. They were thinking it was his fault. He shouldn't be here.

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot believe  
We'd ever die for these sins  
We were merely freshmen**

* * *

At dinnertime, the table was silent. Jack played with his food. He was making a snowman sculpture out of his potatoes. He looked up at his father. He no longer looked angry; he looked more like a zombie. Jack knew that something was wrong, but he didn't dare ask. He didn't want to get yelled at again.

After Jack had finished playing with his food and eating some of it. He got up from the table and went to clear off his plate. "Do you want me to do the dishes?"

Darren did not say anything. "Dad?"

"Hm?"

"I asked if you want me to do the dishes."

"No, it's ok," said Darren tiredly. "Did you finish your homework?"

"It's Saturday, Dad. We don't have homework.

"Oh, then why don't you got watch TV or play video games or something. I'll take care of this."

"If you say so," Jack said. He went to the living room. After finding the remote, he lay down on the couch and turned on the TV.

Darren move from his chair and walked zombie like to the sink. He put the leftovers into plastic container for a later meal. Their dishwasher was broken, so he had to wash them by hand.

The scalding hot water mixed with soap bubbles felt calming. Darren slowly rid the plates of whatever food remains were stuck on their surface. After drying the plate with a dishtowel, he placed the dish on the counter. He missed and the white plate fell to the floor, shattering into three pieces. Darren looked down at the mess, having no reaction over the incident.

"You ok in there, Dad?" Jack yelled from the living room.

"Yeah," Darren answered back. He left the pieces there. His mind was too lost in different thoughts to care about a broken dish.

* * *

"Are you sure you will be fine with me?" Darren asked through his cell phone. He and his family decided to take a short vacation to try to forget everything for a while

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

Ginger sighed loudly. "Yes, Darren, I'll be fine. Just leave and stop annoying me."

"Sorry, but I'm just worried about you, Ginger."

"I know."

"So I guess I'll see you next week then."

"Yup."

"Bye, Ginger."

"Bye."

Ginger hung up her phone before Darren could say anything else. She wished she were as lucky as him. He got to go somewhere other then being stuck at home. Her mom didn't think she should leave during the weekend. She worried that her daughter would do something stupid and got someone and herself hurt.

Ginger felt like a caged animal. It made her feel ever more depressed. A month had gone by, but she didn't feel any better. She felt guilty. Guilty that she had taken another's life because of her action. She was mad at Darren and herself for letting this happen. They made this problem. Neither of them wanted it, but now they were stuck with it.

* * *

Three days after Darren left, Ginger was beginning to feel worse. Her dreams were plagued with misty darkness, blood, and cries.

She was too tired. She was too tired to eat, to sleep. She was just too tired to do anything.

Ginger went to the bathroom to get ready for another sleepless night. Maye she should write instead, Ginger thought as she opened the medicine cabinet to get out the toothpaste. She reached for the green and white tube, but something else caught her eye. It was a bottle of Valium.

The next afternoon Darren got a call. It was from Mrs. Foutley. She said that Ginger had died. She committed suicide the previous night by an overdose. Darren was shocked at first. He couldn't believe it. Ginger had killed herself.

* * *

**My best friend took a week's  
Vacation to forget her  
His girl took a weeks's worth of  
Valium and slept**

* * *

After Ginger had left, Darren had tried everything he could to forget about his past. The Patterson family had moved to a different town in hopes on easing the pain. Darren had wanted to move out of state, but they would not allow it. It would be too far away from their other family.

His brother finished his senior year at Lucky High, but Darren had to start his sophomore year in a school where he knew no one. He quickly made friends and later on he even got a girlfriend. Ginger and everything that had happened slowly started to drift from his mind. But not completely. He couldn't get past the sense of mourning. He had loved her, but cried very little. His guilt made him think he could get rid of it faster if he did not mourn. He felt guilty for both of their deaths.

Darren knelt on the cold floor of his bedroom. The leather book was in front of him, opened to the second to last page. His hands were clamped to the sides of his head. He was shaking his head, babbling numerous sentences.

Warm tears spilled from his eyes. They fell down his face. The saltiness stung his lips, raw from when he was biting them. The tears he had been holding back for all of those years finally came.

* * *

**And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his  
Head on the floor  
Thinks about her now and how he never really  
Wept he says**

**I can't be held responsible**

* * *

"Look how fat I've gotten," Ginger said, poking herself in the stomach.

"I think you are ready to pop." Darren smiled at her. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Get my a hotdog," Ginger said. She put her hands on her stomach to feel the small life inside of her. "Please," she added politely.

* * *

**She was touching her face**

* * *

Darren got up from the park bench and walked over to the hot dog vendor to get something for them to eat. He got Ginger two hotdogs with only ketchup on them and one for himself. Usually she only got one, but she needed to eat more.

* * *

**I won't be held responsible**

* * *

  
"Do you want to go to Mipsy's party tonight?" Ginger asked. She took the hotdogs Darren held out for her.

"Do you think you are up for a party?"

"I went last week, didn't I?"

"There's drinking there."

"I know," she replied casually. She bit into the hotdog.

"You shouldn't be doing that."

"Eating?" Darren shook his head. "Oh. What are one or two drinks going to hurt?"

"The baby."

* * *

**She fell in love in the first place**

* * *

"Charlie will be fine."

"You named it. And I get no say in it?"

"He is not an it, he is Charles Simon Foutley Patterson," Ginger said. "And I get to pick because I have to do all the work. Sure you need two to make a baby, but I have to do all the work. So, it is only logical that I get to pick out the name."

"What if I don't like it?" asked Darren.

"Do you?"

"Sure, I guess so. I really don't care what it's called.

"He," Ginger corrected.

"Right."

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot remember  
What made us think that we were wise and  
We'd never compromise**

* * *

Ginger lay in the hospital bed. In her arms were a bundle of yellow blankets. "I'll give you two time to be alone now," the nurse said. And she left so Ginger and Darren could be alone. Even though they had privacy now, neither of the two said a word.

"Do you want to pick out a name?" Darren asked. He hated awkward silence.

Ginger nodded. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Because," Darren started to say, but then stopped. It wouldn't be a smart thing to say. "I don't know."

The conversation died again. Ginger played with the soft black hair on her baby's head. "Odetta," she finally said. "Odetta Faye."

"It's nice," Darren mumbled.

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot believe  
We'd ever die for these sins**

* * *

It was nearly midnight when Jack decided to go to bed. He had fallen asleep on the couch while he was watching TV. He figured that he had gone to sleep sometime around eleven. Jack expected that his dad would wake him up and tell him to go to bed, but he didn't. He figured that he had gone to bed himself.

Jack past his father's bedroom. The door was open. He glanced in as he past and he saw Darren still on the floor, crying over the book he had found earlier.

"Dad?" Jack asked as he cautiously stepped into the room. Darren didn't hear him. "Dad, what's wrong?"

Jack looked at the book. He picked it up and slipped through it, occasionally scanning the entries and looking at the pictures. Darren still had not noticed he was in there. "Who was she?" Jack asked. As he read more of the writings, a strange feeling flooded into his blood. "Dad, tell me. Who is this girl and what does she have to do with you?"

"It wasn't my fault," Darren managed to croak out. "I didn't want it to happen like this. She wouldn't listen to me."

* * *

**We were merely freshmen**

* * *

"Dad, just tell me what happened. Tell me who this is."

Darren took in a deep breath. "Her name is Ginger Foutley. She used to be my girlfriend from eight grade until the summer after freshmen year."

"Why was she pregnant?" Darren didn't answer. He looked like he was lost in his thoughts again. "Did you get her pregnant?" He nodded.

* * *

**hey yeah  
hey yeah  
hey yeah**

* * *

"Did Mom know about this?"

"No," Darren said. "I never told her. I don't think she had any idea. That's probably the reason why we got divorced. I never got over Ginger. I loved her even though I knew that she was gone. She was my first and only love."

"Then why did you marry Mom?"

"I don't know," Darren said with a shrug. "I thought maybe if I got married, I would forget about Ginger."

Jack sat down on the bed. "Did you love Mom?" he asked in a whisper.

"Yes," Darren admitted. "But not like I loved Ginger. I was more friends with your mother then a husband and wife relationship."

"But you were only my age. How could you be in love?"

"I had known her for a long time. We used to be neighbors and we used to be best friends before. There was always some sort of connection between us. I don't know how to explain it other then I know that what we had felt was love."

* * *

**hey yeah  
hey yeah  
hey yeah**

* * *

It was a weeks until school was out for summer. Two weeks had passed since the funeral and Darren and Ginger had hardly spoken to each other. All the adults of their families thought it would be best if the couple stayed away from each other, if not forever, to make everything easier for them.

Darren was walking to his English class when he saw Ginger walking down the hall too. They were going to pass each other; there was no way to prevent it. Butterflies began to flutter around in his stomach, as they grew nearer.

They were right next to each other. They stopped momentarily, their eyes caught in the others. Darren opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. Ginger blinked and carried on her journey to the other end of the hall. Darren stood there as his brain processed while his brain processed what had just happened. He wished that he had said something to make the situation less awkward.

* * *

**We've tried to wash our hands of all this  
We never talk of our lacking relationships  
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our  
Heads on the floor**

* * *

"So I have a brother or sister somewhere?" Jack's head was spinning with all of this new information.

"No," Darren said. "She was stillborn."

"Oh." He played with the edge of the bedding. "What about that one girl? Do you still talk to her or anything?"

Tears began to well up in Darren's eyes again. Through the lump in his throat he managed to saw, "She's dead." Jack didn't say anything. "She killed herself awhile after the baby died. I don't know if she felt as guilty as me, but it was just too much for her."

* * *

**We fell through the ice when we tried not to  
Slip, we'd say**

**I can't be held responsible**

* * *

"Do you want to hold her?"

Darren shook his head no. He didn't want to hold or even look at his daughter. It would just make things feel worse then they already were.

A single tear trickled down from Ginger's emerald eyes as she stroke the baby's face. She looked so pretty, like an angel, Ginger thought. She had curly black lochs of hair and long eyelashes. Her face was round and had the most beautiful facial features that Ginger had ever seen. She was perfect in everyway.

* * *

**She was touching her face **

* * *

Darren was getting tired of the silence. "What should we do about it now?"

"Her, she has a name Darren," Ginger said in a shaken voice.

"Whatever," Darren accidentally thought out loud.

"Not whatever!" Ginger yelled at him. "She has a name! Odetta is a person and she deserves respect!"

* * *

**And I won't be held responsible **

* * *

"She was dead before she was came out."

"But I love her," Ginger said as more tears came from her eyes.

* * *

**She fell in love in the first place **

* * *

"You didn't even know her."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't deserve respect! She's dead and it's all my fault!"

"Ginger-."

"Yeah it is, and you know it."

"Ginger-."

"I should have listened to you."

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot remember  
What made us think that we were wise and  
We'd never compromise**

* * *

"But it wasn't her fault," Jack said. "The baby was stillborn."

"Ginger had an addiction," Darren said.

"What was it?"

"Ginger, you need to calm down a little," Darren warned his girlfriend. That night Ian was having a party since his parents were gone for the weekend. And Ginger was taking full advantage of the open liquor cabinet.

"It's only my second one, Darren."

"Yeah, but you seem to be forgetting that you are four months pregnant." Darren seemed to be the only one at the party who noticed this detail.

"So? I still have a couple of months left until I have to worry about that. I still half of the time left."

"But you still should slow it down."

"I will," Ginger said taking a sip from her drink. "It doesn't matter always, you are the one driving us home."

"If you still wanted to drink then maybe you should have gone with another option."

"What are you saying?"

"Nothing, what I mean was that if you wanted to still-."

"You're saying that I should have gotten an abortion aren't you?"

"No-."

"I knew it!" Ginger exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. Some of her drink spilled from the glass. "I knew that you didn't want our baby."

"It's not that Ginger. I just think if you aren't ready for the early responsibility."

"I am responsible, Darren. You of all people shouldn't be telling me about responsibility. I wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for you!"

"So it's my fault now? It's not like you were saying no."

"And you weren't either," Ginger shot back. "I'm done talking to you. I'll find a ride home with someone else."

"Ginger-."

"Just shut up and leave me alone."

Darren sighed as he watched his girlfriend walk away. She wouldn't be mad for long, he knew that. But he hated it when she got moody like that and would not listen to what anyone had to say. By tomorrow though, Ginger would be back to normal… hopefully.

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot believe  
We'd ever die for these sins**

* * *

"She was kind of an alcoholic," Darren said. His son nodded.

"Have you ever visited their graves or anything?" Jack asked. The night was growing older, but both of the Patterson boys were still awake and talking.

* * *

**We were merely freshmen**

* * *

"No." Twenty-one years had past and Darren had never visited either of their graves. He had thought about it, but never actually went. He did know that they were buried next to each other. He hadn't gone to the actual burial part of either funeral.

"Why?"

Darren shrugged. "I don't know. It's just too hard for me I guess."

"We should go."

"What?"

"Let's go visit them… tomorrow."

"We can't," Darren said in objection.

"It would give you some closure."

"It's too soon."

"It's been twenty-one years. How is that too soon?"

"I just don't want to."

Jack thought it over. "Suit yourself, Dad. I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night."

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot remember  
What made us think that we were wise and  
We'd never compromise**

* * *

Six weeks had passed since Jack had brought up the journal. In those six weeks a battle was going on in Darren's mind. He knew that he should go to the cemetery and visit; he at least owed Ginger and Odetta that. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. His reasons to go out weighed his reasons not to, but he still could not make himself go.

The journal was not hidden away in the basement again. Darren kept it in his room and he would read it every night and every chance he got. The very thing that he had been trying to forget for so long had now become his obsession.

* * *

This Friday, Darren had Jack for the weekend. And Darren finally agreed on the suggestion Jack had made before. "See, I told you I was right," Jack said as they drove to Darren's hometown, Sheltered Shrubs. Their home was not far away. It would take less than an hour to get there.

"You better be," Darren said to himself.

Jack stayed with his father for a moment. After he stayed at his sister's grave for a moment, he went back to the car to listen to music so that Darren could get some time alone with them.

* * *

**For the life of me I cannot believe  
We'd ever die for these sins**

* * *

Darren stood in front of Ginger's and Odetta's markers. "Who would have ever guessed it would end like this, Ginger," he said quietly. "It's nothing like anything we ever planned. Not even close." He didn't know what to say now.

"I got married, but don't worry, we're divorced now. I don't know why I even married her. I never really loved her, not like I loved you. I have a son now too. His name is Jack. He's waiting in the car right now."

Darren sighed. He started to cry a little. "I'm sorry that I tried to forget you, forget both of you. But you got to understand, I was too young. I wasn't ready for any of this. I didn't mean anything bad by it; I just didn't know what to do. I wanted everything to get back to the way is was.

But now I know they can't. My life was permanently changed once we found out about Odetta. I wish that things could have been different. I wish that you could have been strong enough to make it through this all, Ginger. I wish you were both here right now. I just want you two to know that I am sorry and that I love you both. It would have been a beautiful life, but it all only happened too soon."

* * *

**We were merely freshmen**

* * *

Darren looked back at his car and at his son who was inside. A small smile stretched across his face. Darren whipped away the tears with his coat sleeve and headed back to the car.

"Feel better?" Jack asked as Darren got into the car.

"Yeah."

"See, I was right."

Darren smiled. He started up the car and they began their drive home.

* * *

**We were merely freshmen **

* * *

**Ok that sucked, I know. I know that it isn't chronologically in order, but that is the way it is supposed to be. Did it confuse anyone? What a lovely birthday present. A story about death makes the perfect gift for your best friend. Happy sixteenth on January 12 Hailie Baby! So yeah… tell me what you all think. All opinions are welcomed.**

**With Love**

**CT**


End file.
